Today’s been a long day. I just got off the phone with Jonathan, Chase read me a bedtime story and then Jon and I talked for about an hour. I just, blah. This past week at college has been amazing. My classes seem great, I’ve been on top of my work, my jobs are going well, I’ve been making time to see all of my friends and we’ve been having the best time, like I really am over the moon happy here, I love it. But then or hear their voices, or he’ll send me a pic, and we’ll talk about nothing until one of us insists its getting late and we say our I love yous and then we hang up. And then I’m alone in my room, and I just sit here and cry. I feel so silly and dumb but I can’t help it, 9/10 times after I hang up the phone, I cry. I’m just so, blah. I guess the word I’m looking for is pathetic.
I just want to be married already =/
Everything is just so easy with him.
I don’t have to worry about texting him at odd hours, he usually never responds until the morning but I don’t feel silly or annoying. I don’t have to figure out the radio between how many times I text him first vs. he texts me. I don’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing, or talking too much. I don’t have to worry about admitting when I’m nervous, afraid or uncomfortable. I don’t have to worry about if hell wait for me after I leave for x many of months. I don’t have to worry about him not giving honest opinions. I don’t have to worry about sneaking out of his bedroom to go back to my own. I don’t have to worry about making up excuses. I don’t have to worry about not being good enough, or pretty enough. I don’t have to worry about defining relationships. I don’t have to worry about his intentions.
It just hit me, everything that used to stress me out about relationships, i dont have to deal with anymore.
Do you know how nice this?
All I have to do is love him.
Life doesn’t get any easier, or better.
xx.
